Don't Name Your Chickens Before They Hatch.

Ok. Well, I was all excited to post about my second ultrasound (which was on Wednesday) but the whole thing was just, well, a bit of a let down. Now, I am pregnant and as far as I know the baby is healthy...so don't get me wrong...I'm completely grateful for all of that. Completely. But, still, just this ultrasound appointment - it...sucked.


My first one was at the hospital where I work. They have the greatest equipment there, the best of everything, and the lady who did my ultrasound was super nice. I think I mentioned in my first ultrasound post about what a great experience it was. Near the end of the visit she called Dave in and showed us everything in the scan - the baby's head, and arms, and feet and all of that type of stuff and she was just such a nice, cheerful, happy, kind of girl. It was so great. She also gave us a really, really, nice ultrasound picture which was so nice and clear and it was big, too. It was about 8"x10". Now, here is the part I didn't tell you about that first ultrasound appointment...


While we were there she asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby. Dave and I both said, "YES!". She asked me if I had any opinions. I said, "I think it's a boy" and she said, "Well, I think you are right" and then she showed us a view of the baby, between the two legs, and there was definitely something sticking up in the middle. Of course, this was only at 12 weeks and many people think you simply cannot tell at that age as things just haven't differentiated enough, yet. So, she said, "Now, I would keep all my receipts if you are going to go out and buy a bunch of blue stuff....but I am quite certain it is a boy".


We were thrilled! Just because we already have two girls and I think it would be so super cool and great to have a "Little Davey". I would love to go shopping for little flannel shirts, and little work boots. So cute. Of course, Maddie and Jamie are super cute, too, and another girl would be just great, too. As long as the baby is healthy, right? That is all anyone can hope for. But, all the same, we were pretty excited.


So, at my ultrasound on Wednesday I was getting so pumped up about finding out for sure. I knew by 20 weeks there would be no mistaking things. But, when I walked in for my appointment, I just immediately didn't have a good feeling. My doctor's office booked me in somewhere else (for some unknown reason!) for this one. It was just a little clinic place with relatively crappy, old, equipment and a lady who didn't like to crack a smile, talk, or answer you when you asked a question. I couldn't make out hardly anything on the screen whereas the first time Dave and I both thought it was like looking at a 3-D scan - it was so clear it was amazing. This time I kept thinking, "What the hell is she looking at?" I had no clue. I mean, every once in a while she would move the paddle-thingy and I would see a spinal cord or an arm or a leg or something, but that was about it. And, she had me in there for an hour. Why did it take so long?


Then she asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby. "YES!" But, then Dave made the mistake of saying "the other ultrasound lady said it was a boy". At that, this ultrasound lady's face dropped. She said, "Oh". Then she asked if we already had children. "Yes. Two girls". She said, "Oh" (as if she was thinking, "Uh-uh. I better not tell them...") and she said, "Well, I can't really see any testicles. Sometimes they haven't dropped, yet, but - yaahh - no--I can't see any testicles". She didn't say she could definitely see girl parts, she just said she couldn't see boy parts. And then she printed off my (HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE) ultrasound photo, wiped off my belly, and that was that.


So, now...we don't know what to think. I felt so let down. Not that it might be a girl, just that I still don't know and, I think, partially because (as you know) I felt so sure it was a boy. We had the name picked out already, I had looked in wallpaper stores for decorating ideas for the nursery, I had this whole personality and life created for this little kiddo and now I was, I think (?), finding out he didn't exist. It was a strange, strange, almost kind of a mourning kind of a feeling.


The afternoon after the ultrasound I just came home and sat here doing nothing for two hours. I just felt so weird. Dave came home early, too, because he couldn't even finish work. We were both just in this weird funk. He brought up a picture of Jamie when she was a baby (soooo cute) and said, "See...it really doesn't matter. When the baby comes out we'll just be so happy and love it no matter what". Of course, that's absolutely true - but I just feel like I've lost my little "T" and I feel like he was supposed to be here. That's all.


Ahhh...I don't think I can explain it. :-/





Then there was the crappy ultrasound photo to top it all off. I mean, is this not the worst ultrasound photo you have *ever* seen? I mean, seriously. The worst. I am going to let my doctor know at my appointment Monday that the lab they sent me to sucked and if I do have any other ultrasounds...they will not take place there. Believe me.


{Instant Update: We've decided to go for the 3-D ultrasound in about 6 more weeks. Then we will know for sure and I can start getting attached to the right baby - whether he is a he, or she is a she}.